Painful sleeping

Since my drains have been out, things have been easier. I started showering again (yay!) and am feeling much better. I was told to keep all arm activity to a minimum so I am still not doing too much. I can't reach up into the cabinets, can't lift anything more than 5-10 lbs without feeling pain and I just started wearing crew neck clothing. My niece Chloe is here (with my sister Monica and brother-in-law) and while I can hold her on my knee or cradle her while I am sitting, I don't have the strength to lift her up (she is 12 lbs). She is adorable and the best part of my recovery so far (although the showering is definitely up there as well).

Unfortunately, I have to continue to sleep on my back (as I have done since the surgery) and sleeping brings its own pains. For some really odd reason, that I do not understand, when I sleep at night, my chest muscles clench up the entire night. I joke that they are trying to fight back and get rid of the tissue expanders but I really have no clue. It's sort of like sleeping with your jaw clenched all night, except it is pretty painful. It's hard to describe but it also feels very constricting. So I have been taking my muscle relaxant and now even a prescription painkiller at night. Even so, I still wake up multiple times in the evening with pain. I have also found that when I lean forward or even stand up, the clenching subsides. It is a bit easier to sleep sitting up as well, so I have been sleeping propped up on pillows.

Mostly during the day, I am not in pain. Getting in and out of the car can be painful because I can't push or pull with my arms because it is too painful. Doing work with my arms can also cause my chest muscles to spasm, as does shivering and driving on a bumping road. Touching my chest is a bit painful and I can't cuddle up to my hubby on the couch without pain. Also, sometimes my chest just hurts in spots... usually due to pain from the expanders. I have found putting pressure in that area, alleviates the pain. Sometimes I put a sock in my bra in that area to make me feel better. I definitely have the room right now!

My arms feel alot better in terms of pain. At first though, it felt as if I had tennis balls under my armpits. It was the weirdest feeling. I felt like my arms couldn't hang straight. It still feels a bit like that but mostly because my chest muscles are too tight. My right arm is still tender though. I want to share how it feels with you. It is a combination of numbness and pain. It's sort of like when you burn your tongue on hot chocolate and then anything you eat after is extra painful but you also feel a bit numb.

At first, I was really weirded out with the expanders being in my body, but I have come to terms with them a bit more. I feel it's sort of like having an artificial hip, knee or pacemaker... except, these aren't keeping me functional...well, perhaps they are psychologically. I can feel them and it's a bit creepy. I am super-curious to know what is in me, where the pectoral muscles are with respect to the expanders and if there is anything else in me (I read that they use cadaver tissue in the process). I am going to quizz my plastic surgeon the next time I see him and ask him to draw me a picture so I understand better. I can't find any diagrams on the web that show decent detail.

My next plastic surgeon appointment is on Monday Jan 4 and I think they are planning on adding saline to my expanders. I am scared because I am still sore and don't want to be in pain. Also, I still have tape over my surgery scars and I'm a bit nervous about them taking that off too. My oncologist says he will start chemo after the fill so it may be as soon as January 7. I don't want it to be that soon but on the other hand, I want to get it over with. I am enjoying feeling normal these days, or as normal as one can be with no hair and funky fingernails.

Thanks for the continued support everyone.

Mo