Painful sleeping

Since my drains have been out, things have been easier. I started showering again (yay!) and am feeling much better. I was told to keep all arm activity to a minimum so I am still not doing too much. I can't reach up into the cabinets, can't lift anything more than 5-10 lbs without feeling pain and I just started wearing crew neck clothing. My niece Chloe is here (with my sister Monica and brother-in-law) and while I can hold her on my knee or cradle her while I am sitting, I don't have the strength to lift her up (she is 12 lbs). She is adorable and the best part of my recovery so far (although the showering is definitely up there as well).

Unfortunately, I have to continue to sleep on my back (as I have done since the surgery) and sleeping brings its own pains. For some really odd reason, that I do not understand, when I sleep at night, my chest muscles clench up the entire night. I joke that they are trying to fight back and get rid of the tissue expanders but I really have no clue. It's sort of like sleeping with your jaw clenched all night, except it is pretty painful. It's hard to describe but it also feels very constricting. So I have been taking my muscle relaxant and now even a prescription painkiller at night. Even so, I still wake up multiple times in the evening with pain. I have also found that when I lean forward or even stand up, the clenching subsides. It is a bit easier to sleep sitting up as well, so I have been sleeping propped up on pillows.

Mostly during the day, I am not in pain. Getting in and out of the car can be painful because I can't push or pull with my arms because it is too painful. Doing work with my arms can also cause my chest muscles to spasm, as does shivering and driving on a bumping road. Touching my chest is a bit painful and I can't cuddle up to my hubby on the couch without pain. Also, sometimes my chest just hurts in spots... usually due to pain from the expanders. I have found putting pressure in that area, alleviates the pain. Sometimes I put a sock in my bra in that area to make me feel better. I definitely have the room right now!

My arms feel alot better in terms of pain. At first though, it felt as if I had tennis balls under my armpits. It was the weirdest feeling. I felt like my arms couldn't hang straight. It still feels a bit like that but mostly because my chest muscles are too tight. My right arm is still tender though. I want to share how it feels with you. It is a combination of numbness and pain. It's sort of like when you burn your tongue on hot chocolate and then anything you eat after is extra painful but you also feel a bit numb.

At first, I was really weirded out with the expanders being in my body, but I have come to terms with them a bit more. I feel it's sort of like having an artificial hip, knee or pacemaker... except, these aren't keeping me functional...well, perhaps they are psychologically. I can feel them and it's a bit creepy. I am super-curious to know what is in me, where the pectoral muscles are with respect to the expanders and if there is anything else in me (I read that they use cadaver tissue in the process). I am going to quizz my plastic surgeon the next time I see him and ask him to draw me a picture so I understand better. I can't find any diagrams on the web that show decent detail.

My next plastic surgeon appointment is on Monday Jan 4 and I think they are planning on adding saline to my expanders. I am scared because I am still sore and don't want to be in pain. Also, I still have tape over my surgery scars and I'm a bit nervous about them taking that off too. My oncologist says he will start chemo after the fill so it may be as soon as January 7. I don't want it to be that soon but on the other hand, I want to get it over with. I am enjoying feeling normal these days, or as normal as one can be with no hair and funky fingernails.

Thanks for the continued support everyone.

Mo

Drains are out!

This has been a real rollercoaster ride of emotions. The good news today is that I got my two drains out and I am feeling alot more comfortable. One drain was in really deep, like maybe 6 or 8 inches. Gross! I have an appointment in two weeks with the plastic surgeon and they are probably going to start filling the expanders, assuming I am all healed up and feeling well. My neck and shoulders are pretty tight with all of the uncomfortableness of the things in me, lack of arm movement and wrap around my chest. I am trying to convince Doug to give me a massage! The doc told me that I still need to do as little arm movement as possible for the next two weeks. I am not supposed to pick anything up over 5 lbs. So much for picking up my 5 mo old cute niece Chloe when she comes to visit later this week. I can at least balance her on my lap :-)

I saw my breast surgeon this morning as well. He gave me a test to see if I had developed or was developing lymphedema (swelling in the arm where lymph nodes are removed) and luckily everything appears normal. I won't see him again for another 6 months but he did make us feel reassured about the second round of chemo being subscribed by my oncologist was more precautionary and aggressive to ensure success.

Feeling much better now.
Mo

Drains, drains go away...

So, as you might have guessed from the title, I did not have my drains removed on Friday. There was still too much fluid draining. I tried really hard this weekend to not move my arms around too much, which creates quite a burden on Doug but he's taking it like a sport. Doug, can you get a cup for me? Doug, can you help me put this on? Doug, can you change the water for the flowers?

At any rate, I am really hoping that I get at least one drain removed tomorrow. My output this morning was low so I'm hoping it will be tomorrow as well. The other benefit of having the drains removed is that I won't have these poking pains in my sides! They are ok most of the time but some positions are more painful than others. If you are wondering how the pain is going, it's pretty good. Most of the time, I feel fine. Every once in a while, I get pains from my tissue expanders and I also have pain in my side where a blister was created from rubbing against some medical tape and now my scab is gluing me to my bandages. Sorry, kind of gross and I am hoping that by tomorrow morning, it will have healed. I am only taking Tylenol now when I have pain.

I have a post-op appt with my breast surgeon tomorrow and one with the plastic surgeon (where I hope my drain(s) will be removed). Thursday I will get my usual weekly Herceptin infusion and also see the oncologist again. I have so many questions still to ask. I am also concerned that my plastic surgeon is not being included in my team of doctors so I need to make sure he's brought in the loop.

Psychologically, I am doing OK but not quite how I was before the surgery. I am trying to stay upbeat. I am still considering getting some second opinions and will update you all when that happens. To those of you who want to ask me questions when you see me, please do not hesitate. I don't mind talking about any part of this process.

Thanks for all of the supportive comments, notes, etc. On the positive side, we have had so much food donated and made for us that we are now taking up half of our neighbor's freezer because ours is completely full. So, thanks to all of you who made/sent us food. We are good until February. Kidding. But really, we are good for quite a while now. Doug and I are very grateful and are enjoying everything sent.

Mo

A longer road ahead...

Doug and I met with my oncologist today. Unfortunately, the news is not what I really wanted or hoped to hear.

The oncologist felt that I did have a dramatic response to my chemotherapy. The four lymph nodes that had small islands of cancer in them had residual cancer from 1mm to 3mm in size. The small deposits were towards the edge of the lymph glands (extracapsular extension). The oncologist felt that I probably had alot more cancer there and it was reduced to these small deposits from the chemo.

Radiation is not really an option, it is definitely required. However, the oncologist also suggested that I go on another course of chemotherapy. He is not sure it will help and has no proof that it will be beneficial, but he does not have high confidence that the tamoxifen that I need to go on after radiation is going to have enough effect because I am only weakly estrogen-positive and it works best when the cancer has positive estrogen reception. The reason that he is unsure is because there are no studies with results yet on using a second round of chemo.

He wants me to go through four rounds of another kind of chemo lasting three months. This is to kill any cancer cells that may have moved beyond the area that would be radiated (armpit, chest, breastbone). He wants to switch me to another chemo because he feels that at this point there will be some resistance to the existing chemo. He wants me to go on Gemzar and Navelbine a month after my surgery. These chemo drugs are supposed to have roughly the same effect as the last ones. So much for hair...After the chemo, I would then go for the radiation then start Tamoxifen.

Some more questions I asked and answers:

• How likely do you feel that there was microscopic spread of cancer given four positive nodes? - High
• If you had known that I was positive in four nodes, would you have changed my chemo or treatment at all? - No
• Will radiation improve my overall chance of survival or just recurrence of the cancer - Yes to both
• Has my prognosis changed? - Yes, the survival rate is lower but it is still good and if I go through the chemo, it will be better.

So, this is really heavy news but I feel relieved that my oncologist had a Plan B for me. I do feel though, that it might be wise to consult another doctor for a second opinion so I'll probably be looking into this.

I am seeing my plastic surgeon tomorrow and we'll see if the drains can be removed.

Stay hopeful for me.

Mo

8 days post surgery

I am finding it harder to come up with witty Titles to my posts. I think it's because I'm a bit down. I am having a hard time with my pathology report and waiting to hear what's next from the oncologist. Good think I have an appt tomorrow.

Saw the plastic surgeon today and they removed the wraps around my chest and changed the dressing. I was afraid to look down... and when I did, I guess it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Mind you, I didn't see myself in a mirror, from the top down only. Doug got up to look at the drains coming out of my body and shared with me after the appt that I looked like those creepy people in the sci-fi movies with tubes and things coming out of them. Nice. I did have one of my three drains removed today though. That's one less uncomfortable thing sticking into the side of me.

I am still experiencing discomfort and pain around my chest but nothing too bad. When they took the bandages off my chest, I felt some tightness relieved but then realized that I still felt like someone was standing on my chest and that was with nothing wrapped around me. I return on Friday and the doctor will see how the drains are doing and if things go well, they will remove one or two and if not, then they'll see on Monday.

I have all sorts of odd pain and sensation in my right arm from the nerve damage. I have a combination of numbness and pain in my underarm but it's not surprising considering the lymph nodes removed from there. I have an odd sensation on the back of my arm by my elbow which is hard to describe. I had some weird pain the other day like when you hit your funny bone. Nothing too bad though... just weird.

As I mentioned, I will see the oncologist tomorrow and find out more about what my next steps are. I have a ton of questions to ask. If I am not too depressed, I'll post an update tomorrow.

Mo

Recovering at home

Hi all,
Well, I've been home for a few days now and it doesn't get any more exciting... I pretty much sit around all day and rest. Surprisingly, even writing an email or two on the computer can get to be painful and tiring though (depends on my position). I sleep pretty well at night. There is nothing interesting to tell. I take my meds and that's pretty much it. I have caught up on some Canadian magazines lately thanks to friends up north, which has been fun.

My next appointments are Wed with the plastic surgeon and Thursday with my oncologist. I will find out the next course of action against this nasty cancer at the oncologist appt. Until then, nothing but daytime TV, magazines, books and ... "Doug, can you help me please?"

Thanks again for the support. It perks me up :-)
Mo

Recovering at home

Hi all,

Well, it's been a bit of an ordeal since I last posted but I'm doing OK now. I actually had no idea that I would be in so much pain after the surgery. I guess that my denial technique caught up on me a bit... Let me recap the last few days for those of you not in touch with me.

Tuesday - 10am - After I got settled into a private room to wait, I went to get an injection in my breast with some radioactive stuff to identify where the sentinel lymph node was located. It is the primary lymph node to which cancer cells usually spread from the main tumor. After this was done, we sat around in a room waiting to be rolled down to surgery. The surgery was 2 hrs delayed so we killed time with daytime TV which I have gotten to know very well by now.

After they rolled me down to the pre-op area, which is really weird because you are there with a ton of people all about to get surgery. The guy beside me was getting shaved for his gall bladder surgery! Yes, they had curtains but you can hear everything. My 6'9" giant of an anesthesiologist came in and setup my IV and after injecting the relaxing drug... I don't remember anything until I was moved from the gurney to my bed.

The days in the hospital were uneventful except I had pain and a fever on the day I was supposed to be sprung so they kept me in an extra night. Thank goodness because I was in no condition to leave. I was not prepared for the pain... cripes but it is better now. The food was really quite good, I have no complaints, I was really quite comfortable. The nurses were telling us that they were being pressured to release patients. Maybe it was the rainstorms we were having and the increase in accidents... What fascinates me is that the entire time I was in the hospital, I was barely even looked after by doctors. Nurses and their assistants did everything. I mean, my plastic surgeon only saw me once and released me for the next day without even seeing me. My breast surgeon on the other hand visited me a few times, which I greatly appreciated.

My pain is manageable even though my nurse warned me that I opted for the least powerful pain meds (Darvocet). I didn't want to feel too weird and out of control of my brain and body. Things are going ok. We have to empty my drains (i have three drains) twice a day and they forgot to give us something to measure the fluids with so last night we had to use a standard baking measuring cup. It was a tad bit too large but we made our best guesses at the volume.

Dr Snyder (my breast surgeon) called this morning with the results of my lymph node and tumor pathology. He said that my margins were clear which was a concern with the skin-sparing mastectomy. He also said that the from the breast tissue removed, there was an 1.3 cm island of cancer cells left from the 3 cm tumor originally in the breast. Also, from the 9 lymph nodes removed, there were little islands of cancer cells in 4 lymph nodes with the biggest spot being 3 mm. He said that this showed a dramatic response to chemotherapy and that I was on the way to being cured.

Unfortunately, I was not prepared for this news at all. I was told that if 3 or more lymph nodes had cancer, I would need radiation. The oncologist will decide what happens next but this has hit me really hard. I cried more today than I cried since I have been diagnosed. I guess I felt that after chemo and surgery, the cancer would be gone and I would be able to move on with my life. Now with radiation looming after what I've been through, I'm going to need a whole new mindset to get through this...

Doug is doing a great job of being my nurse but will gladly accept help if anyone wants to offer a visit or a meal.

Thanks to you all for your notes of support on my blog, Facebook, through email and by calls. They made a difference in the hospital and at home.

Mo

2 days to surgery

Wow, two days to go.
I've had one pre-op appt so far and one to go. I won't get into the whole story around how the plastic surgeon didn't even have me in his calendar for the surgery when I called last week. Let's just say that it is a really good thing that I'm sort of "on the ball" and follow up with people. Yikes.

Some people have been asking what my surgery is going to be. I'm not sure if I have been clear on my blog but I have decided on a bilaterial (both sides) total mastectomy. I have made this decision primarily for the peace of mind. I'm not sure if Doug and I are really prepared for the recovery but I'm sure it will be OK. I was told about an elderly patient who had no one to help her after surgery and when I am well, I'd like to see if I can volunteer to help these people with food, chores, whatever. It is very sad that they are coping on their own.

Part of the mastectomy involves removing lymph nodes (generally in the armpit area) which maintain water and protein balance in the body and aids in preventing infection. With their removal, it could result in swelling of the arm so I have to keep my arms up (across my chest) or up on pillows like armrests until my drains come out, which is about a two week period. And let's hope that they are only in for two weeks. I have also been told that I may feel very sharp pain every once in a while from nerve damage caused by the surgery. I think this is a longer term effect but you'll be hearing on my blog as I recover...

The surgery will last for 3.5 to 5 hours and I will be in the hospital for two nights. The good news is that the Breast Surgery coordinator secured me a private room in the new Hoag hospital tower. There is even a couch that pulls out to a bed for a caregiver to stay over in the room. I'm a little nervous about the surgery still, but I'm trying not to think much about it.

With respect to my back, I saw an orthopedic surgeon on Friday. It is a small world... I told him about having had an orthepedic surgeon when I was young because I was born with club feet. He did his interning in Syracuse in New York and they had a relationship with the Hospital for Sick Kids in Toronto. So when he asked who my orthopedic surgeon was, I said "Dr Rang" and he responded... "Mercer Rang"? Yes! Wow, he knew him. Anyway, he felt that physio would be in order and I need to see him in 5 weeks.

Other news to report... I think my hair is finally growing in. I say "I think" because it is totally peach fuzz right now. I still look totally chemo patient-like and when I think about my friend Val sporting her new hair one week after surgery... well, I am quite a ways behind :-( My fingernails are still sensitive and unfortunately, still raising a bit from the nail bed. I need to be very careful with my fingernails because normal prying to open things is totally off-limits for me. I am keeping them short and hoping that with the chemo over with, they don't get too much worse.

I will keep you all informed of my progress. Maybe I'll get Doug to write a post when I am in the hospital.
Thanks for the support.
Love,
Mo

8 days til surgery...

I can't help but think about the big surgery looming in my near future. My last chemo was 2.5 weeks ago and my surgery is scheduled for December 8. I am trying not to think about it too much but I am a little scared. I stay two nights in the hospital and then go home to recover til Jan 4. I hope I only need until then... when my surgeon was signing my paperwork, he asked if I wanted 6 weeks off instead. Yikes! I hope not! Let's all hope I'm good to go after 4.

I'm feeling fairly good these days but I'm still not exercising because of my back. Really, I am using it as an excuse to be lazy because I think I could swim, even bought a bathing suit on Black Friday! I now look very pro and ... pudgy. There are still little things that no one notices like the fact that some of the nail beds on my fingers are a little detached from the nail. Gross and a little painful but nothing too bad. I still don't see any hair growth on my head and keep asking Doug to look for me. I am as bald as my 4 month old niece Chloe. I feel that gives us a special bond when I talk to her on Skype. She can relate better to her Auntie Nini. I can't wait to see in late December when she comes to visit with her parents. I just hope I'll be able to hold her. She has been a blessing of a distraction since she was born a week after I was diagnosed.

I have an appointment this Friday with a back surgeon (one that suggests surgery as a last resort) so we'll see how it goes.

Apart from that... just enjoying my time with Dougie.

Thank you for your on-going support.
Love,
Mo

Excellent response to chemo

I just got off the phone with my breast surgeon, Dr. Snyder. He called with news from my breast MRI and I got him to tell me about my back MRI at the same time. The good news is that the MRI report showed an excellent response to the chemotherapy. I still have two small nodules remaining but Dr. Snyder felt that they could possibly not even be tumors anymore but perhaps fatty tissue. The lymph node also decreased in size. This is great news. While a mastectomy is still planned, it's great to know that the MRI showed that the chemo worked. Dr. Snyder told me that when I have the surgery, my breast tissue will be cut into 5 mm sections (like melba toast he said!) and biopsied for cancer. The same will happen for lymph nodes. They will not decide on the number of lymph nodes to remove until the actual surgery and they are able to test and see which ones seem cancerous. I don't remember the term he used, I'll have to read up on this.

I am hoping that very few lymph nodes will need to be removed, because the more removed, the greater chance of lymphedema. If you are one of these people saying that you are praying for me, can you please pray for few lymph nodes to be removed? Thanks :-)

Also, there is no evidence of metatstic disease in the lumbar spine. Yahoo! I do have a herniated disc though. Isn't that nice? The L5 S1 has a left disc extrusion blah blah blah. I'll have to get a full report from someone and figure out how to fix it. He said bedrest. Bedrest? Cripes! I have so much to do before my surgery. No time for bedrest! I'll do that after the surgery...

Lastly, I want to sign off with a comment on my conversation with Dr. Snyder. I told him that I felt guilty about having a double mastectomy and that I knew it was extreme. He told me that he completely understood, that he did not want me to feel pressure around just doing a single, that many young women (2/3 to 3/4) have bilateral mastectomies at my age for the same reason... peace of mind. I do not want to be going through this at any age, much less 70 or 80! I really appreciated what he said to me. Meant a lot. He is a very nice doctor and I am so happy that I got him. Course, hope he does good work too!

That's all for today. Now to read up on herniated discs...
Mo

No more chemo!

Hello all,
Well, the weekend went by OK. Two highlights: having Doug around and having no GI Tract issues. You have no idea how much the second part means to me although of course, Dougie does too! I felt the usual crappiness though... very tired and even a little more nauseous than usual. Ick. My back pain was on and off. When I went to bed Friday night, my back was doing so well that I thought, maybe it's gone and my back is back to normal. Crazy talk! As I turned over in the middle of the night, I must have twisted something and major pain came back. I took Advil but it was so bad I had a hard time getting back to sleep a few times during the night. I feel like my back belongs to some old, fragile person who can't afford to move quickly or they might throw out their back. I move very slowly for fear of pain or creating some misalignment.

Speaking of my back, I went for my MRI today. It was an epic MRI session... I must have been in that machine for over an hour. Luckily it wasn't as bad as I remembered it the first time. Or perhaps it was because I asked the technician to crank the headphones up to the max volume so I wouldn't hear the horridly loud fire alarm-sounding tones coming from the machine. I guess I get the results in 2 days or so. I'm dying to hear about my back. My echocardiogram was on Monday and that was pretty unexciting.

Had dinner with some support group gal pals last night and it's so great to see them as they are ahead of me in terms of treatment and I can look to them to get an idea of where I'll be in a few months. OK, well, maybe not exactly. They were both growing hair by now... and I'm not but well, that's life. It will come back sooner or later.

I got my results from the genetic testing today as well. I have no gene mutations predicting a higher chance of breast cancer. So basically it means that I just got breast cancer randomly, it wasn't heredity or because of my Ashkenazi Jewish descent.... just bad luck. I won't be playing the lottery anytime soon ;-)

I am still struggling with the one or two sided mastectomy decision. And today's recommendations by the USPSTF don't help my decision much either. Less screening for everyone.

Thanks for the ongoing support. I still very much appreciate it.

That's all for now.
Mo

Last Chemo Day

Hi all,

These are pictures from Jen's visit to the OC for my 5th chemo and also Shirene and I at a Kings/Canucks game in LA with the post Tragically Hip concert. Gord Downie and the boys were as awesome as ever. Definitely a highlight of being in So Cal is the opportunity to see the Hip (Canadian epic band) in small clubs over arena-sized venues back home.

Doug is home and life is getting back to normal. For those of you who said "Doug won't even notice the condo".... sorry, but you just don't know Doug. I managed to give it a good cleaning before he got here and I just laughed when he said "looks like things have been rearranged on the bedside table". He just kills. But we had a great homecoming, I met him at the airport with his parents and sister and then we came back to our place where I decorated the house. It was really a beautiful afternoon/evening.

I had my last chemo today and am doing ok so far. Strangely, I started feeling nauseuous when they ran the first premed in the IV... that's the first time that ever happened. The nurse thought it might have been psychological. I just told her to keep things 'as is" and i would let it know if it got worse, but no bad side effects really so far. They come over the next few days.

I have had a few side annoyances though. I am going for an MRI on my back because of the terrible lower back pain that shoots down my leg. The oncologis thought it could be a slipped disc but also warned me that there was a possibility it could be cancer-related. The MRI is set for Tuesday after my Breast MRI. They managed to piggy-back it. I am thrilled. Tuesday I also get the results of my genetic testing.

My eyes have also really been bothering me lately. The good news is that I am fine when i wear my glasses, bad news is that I am having terrible blurred vision (mostly my right eye) with my contacts, especially working on a computer screen, so I need to see an Optometrist pronto. I am so tired of constantly seeing doctors.

My finger neuropathy is going ok. It is weird, i have lost the fingertip sensation in my two outer fingers and the nails have gone reddish. While my eyebrows are still here but they are getting pretty sparse and are sometimes hard to see.

I am going for an echocardiogram on Monday to see if the Herceptin has damaged my heart at all. That is one of the possible side effects so my ticker has to get checked out every 3 months.

That's all for now. I will update folks later in the weekend to let you know how I'm feeling.

Thanks again for the comments and support.

Mo

Tired of being tired...

Hi all,
I have had a bit of a tough time a week after my last chemo. Still experiencing some GI tract issues mostly because I am really not very good at babying myself. I am so done with this chemo... I just want to move on! I am used to the bald part... I have made friends with my hats, scarf and wig. People who haven't seen me in a while think I just changed my hairstyle... it's kinda funny.

But the lack of energy and tiredness part I do not want to get used to. I went out with Randy, who must have the patience of a saint, on a 20 mile road ride yesterday. In the old days, 20 miles is considered the length you do if you are totally pressed for time or you are practically sprinting the ride because you want to ride hard. I rode like a turtle and was so incredibly slow on the hills.

I think my muscles have shrunk and just been replaced by fat since I have not lost any weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah... it will pass, you will be back to normal soon, you look fine... I know all this but it doesn't make me feel much better.

My fingernails are still tender but nothing too painful. I am still having a hard time with my sore back though. It is taking forever to get better. I mean, I am A LOT better off than i was last weekend but sheesh! Hurry it up already! I've got things to do! I need to get the condo ready for Doug's return!

Speaking of Dougie... he flew from Kosovo to Germany on Friday and then to Fort Lewis, Washington on Saturday. Doug is officially back in America! I haven't heard from him yet but I'm sure I will soon. He'll be back in the OC in 9-11 days after his post deployment debriefing stuff is done at Fort Lewis. I am so looking forward to having him back here.

What's up next for me?
Genetic testing on Monday morning with results in two weeks, Breast MRI (to see the results of the chemo on my tumor) on Nov 17 and then surgery is scheduled for Dec 8. You know... part of me still cannot believe I have cancer. It's like it's happened to someone else and I'm just having to go through all this crappy stuff for some reason... Well, I guess the surgery will make it him home for me.

But yes... just a hurdle and one year from now, I will look back in amazement at what I went though... Can't wait! And I'll have my own hair by then too :-)

5 down... 1 to go!

So I had my 2nd last chemo last Thursday and it went OK. Wasn't the best weekend but it wasn't the worst either. I was not taking the Miralax religiously (it is gross tasting) the week before so I ended up with some GI tract issues again but nothing that couldn't get resolved easily enough. The worst part of the recovery was me pulling a darn muscle in my back while I was helping my friend Jen, change a tube on the rear tire of my bike. The pain was so bad, I had to take muscle relaxants all weekend. I just cannot stand taking drugs... and here I was taking my anti-indigestion, anti-nausea and muscle relaxants... in addition to a little Dulcolax then Immodium. My purse is a darn pharmacy!

The good news is that my friend Jen came down from Kelowna, British Columbia and we got to spend some time together. Thanks for looking after me Jen!

Other news... my surgery is scheduled for December 8. I am planning on being off work from December 7 (seems I'll have some pre-op appointments the day before) to January 4 for recovery. The surgery scheduling nurse also told me that I will be in the hospital for two nights.

My fingernails still feel funny and can be sore at times (gripping things, picking things up, just using my fingers...) but it's not too painful really. A friend from a support group told me about taking Glutamine and my oncologist said it would be fine to take. I have also found that I have really been struggling with my vision. I am finding that reading computer screens is challenging when it has never been before. That's a bummer... I just hope that I don't need to get new contacts before my existing supply runs out. I also think that my eyebrows have been thinning... but well, as long as they are still there, I'm ok with that.

Other exciting news... Dougie is coming to the US this Saturday but will be stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington for post-deployment stuff. At least we will be in the same time zone! He should be back to the OC anywhere from Nov 9 to 11. Guess it's time I moved my stuff out of his closet! And just in case you were thinking I was the clotheshorse wife... it is Doug, who wears a uniform to work every day who has the double closet and I who have the measly single closet!

That's all for now. Thanks for the continued support!
Mo

Of course I'm going to make it!

Hi all,

Been doing pretty well lately. I did a nice 50 mile ride with a friend this morning and am feeling pretty good, although my legs did feel pretty tired by the end of it. I am unbelievably slow on hills. Mind you, this is my best week. The only weirdness I can complain about these days is some tenderness under my fingernails. My fingers are a bit red under the nail in the center of the nail. I think this is a side effect of the Taxotere chemotherapy and I just hope that I don't end up losing my fingernails because really... how gross is that? I'll report this to my oncologist next week and see what he says. I still have my night sweats almost every night but who knows what that's from... I'll have to mention that as well. It is so weird to wake up with a super sweaty head and I don't even have any hair!

I had contemplated snowboarding this weekend (they got a real dumping at Mammoth where I have my VIP pass that I'm going to be pressed to use) but when I mentioned to the nurse, she poopooed the idea as I still have low platelets. She said that if I fell and bruised myself badly, that I could bleed internally and never know. No fun!

My genetic testing is setup for November 2. I'll be getting my surgery scheduled next week.

My girlfriend Jen, from British Columbia is coming to stay for my next chemo treatment this Thursday. Looking forward to seeing her!

Oh... and to explain the title of my blog... when I was getting my Herceptin IV treatment this past week, this lady took an interest in me (she liked my hat) and when she was talking to me, she said "You're going to make it". Can I tell you what a bummer it is to hear that? I mean, I never (or almost never) think of NOT making it. Of course I'm going to live to ninety something or beyond like my Bubby Edna (who is alive and well at 92). I hate it when people say things that make me think... "geez, you mean there is a possibility that I won't make it?". Anyhoo, a short rant to end off my blog. This is what blogs are for... right?

Thanks to everyone for your calls, emails, Facebook messages/comments and ongoing positive thoughts. They all matter to me.

Mo

Oh yeah... I have cancer... I forgot...

Last night, I remembered I am going through chemo after forgetting and thinking I was a normal person...

You see, a friend emailed around about going on a night mountain bike ride on the Fullerton Loop. The loop is a really easy ride so I said, yes, of course I'll come. Then I remembered that I get my Herceptin by IV every Thursday and I have no idea if it's even safe to ride after getting that by IV.

So I asked the nurse today if it would be OK. He said there was no problem with riding after the IV but that "had I forgotten that my platelets were really low last week?" Er... yes, I did. And my platelets were again really low this week. Safe enough for the IV but still low. He said that while he really recommended against it... that I could ride, but if I crashed, I would need to tell my friend to rush me to the ER right away. Cripes, no thanks. I know it's only the Fullerton Loop but it was also supposed to be a night ride and well... you never know. So, he said I would probably be ok for the weekend but I will need to take it easy.

I hate it when I forget that I have cancer... and I can't have fun and ride like the rest of my friends... I feel like life is going along and I am waiting on the sidelines... 2 more chemos to go.

Oh yeah and happy 5th anniversary Dougie! I miss you.
Mo

4th Chemo down... 2 to go!

Hello all,

Sorry I haven't posted a blog in a while. To be honest, the past few weeks have been pretty busy with Jewish High Holidays, Race for the Cure and work... and sometimes I can't face opening up my computer at night when I have been working on a computer all day.

The Race for the Cure in Orange County was last weekend and it was a real blast. I think that we had about 45 people on the team and I am so happy that my friends and coworkers came out to support me and the cause. The support at work has been phenomenal and my coworkers in the office have been wearing Pinky Mo and the Livestrong shirts for two Fridays in a row now.

My older sister Michelle arrived last Tuesday and has been cooking up a storm for me. She has taken almost all of the bananas that have been hibernating in my freezer (15!) and has baked squares and muffins for me. She has also made a few great meals that are of course, high in fiber!, but tasty too. It is so nice to have her here and have someone really close to me to talk to.

We went to see my breast surgeon this week and he did an ultrasound on my breast. He said that the hard part of the tumor has dissipated but that there is still a soft tumor there and the way the chemo works, it breaks up the tumor into pieces as it kills the cancer cells. We talked about options and mastectomy is pretty much the only option for me because of the spread of cancer in my breast. I am fine with this... have been for a while. I don't want anything left on me that might be cancerous! The bigger issue is around having a bilateral mastectomy. He also mentioned that I may need radiation and they won't know until my get tissues samples back from the surgery.

To help make the one vs two decision, I am going to go for Genetic Counseling/Testing to see if I have the BRCA gene mutation that will predict my lifetime risk of breast cancer. Because I have Ashekenazi jewish ancestry, got cancer at an early age and have breast cancer in the family (cousins and great aunts), my breast surgeon thought it was a good idea.

I am also going to see a plastic surgeon on Monday. He will also help me make my decision about the mastectomy and what kind of reconstruction I will get. I really hope that there are NOT too many options for me to choose from because these decisions are really hard. I am also really hoping that through my recovery is quick enough that I can salvage some part of the snowboarding season. This may seem juvenile but well.... it's what I think about.

I had my fourth chemo on Thursday which went relatively well after the third attempt at putting an IV in my arm. My veins just don't cooperate really well, so I continue to look like a junky on my inner arms :-( The good news is that I feel ok today and I have no GI tract issues, the plumbing is working great! Thank you again Miralax.

I am off to the beach with my sister for some relaxation. Hope all of you are well and I thank you for your ongoing support and wonderful comments.

Love,

Mo

Life is good...

Hi all,
Figured I would post something new to my blog so that you would all know that I am doing well. I am halfway through my chemo treatments and it's going fine. The part that I am most anxious about now are the weekly IV needles. Seems every time they try to give me an IV, it goes wrong the first try and I get a big bruise. What is embarrassing is that I take a long time to unbruise so I think I am starting to look like a junky ;-) except that I am probably healthier... What can I do to build up my veins into being big, fat, strong healthy veins? I know I need to be hydrated... anything else? Also, last time I went for Herceptin, they told me that I was low in calcium and they gave me some through my IV. Weird. I need to remember to take my horse-sized calcium pills at night. Why can't they make them in gummy-bear size, shape and flavor form?

I am also getting anxious about the breast surgery/reconstruction. Am trying to research, go to support groups and I am meeting with my breast surgeon and a plastic surgeon next week. Looks like surgery will probably be 1st or 2nd week of December from what i understand so far. If you know of someone who has had a mastectomy and breast reconstruction within the last 5 years, let me know, I would be interested in speaking with them.

An update on my head... for those who are curious... I still have a bunch of hair but it is really sparse in the front. Now, I can't see the back so I have no idea how sparse it is back there but it's weird that it just never all fell out. So i have my GI Jane chemo lady look going on at home. At work i usually wear a hat or scarf and wear my wig 1-2 days per week. The wig is not very comfortable and I have a feeling that it is slightly responsible for the frontal hair loss because of the rubbing. I will post a picture one day... I think you will either love the wig or hate the wig.

Race for the Cure... is fast approaching and I picked up all the shirts and bibs for the folks on the team. SRC actually got t-shirts and hats made for the Orange, Boulder and Texas staff participating (as well as others) and we'll be wearing these on the walk. We have 40 people on the team and we will have a tailgate area to hang out at before for some breakie, should be lots of fun! I am really touched by the support I have gotten at work and from my friends and family for the race. Thank you SO much.

Last great announcement... my sister Michelle is coming down for my next chemo weekend to hang with me and my friend Jen is coming down for the chemo treatment after that. Then, my hubby Doug will be here for the last chemo.

Bye for now!

Not a bad weekend!

Hello all,
Just wanted to post a quick note to say that my weekend has been going well! I had my third chemo treatment last Thursday (3 more to go!) and no major GI tract issues or other pains so far. Three cheers for Miralax, which I have been taking every day for the last two weeks. I am taking it easy this weekend, not really doing much of anything because I don't have a ton of energy and if I exercise, I feel like it accentuates the leg pain I have gotten before.

I need to start researching my surgery which is supposed to happen three weeks after the last chemo (Nov 12). I am feeling sort of anxious about it and am not sure what kind of reconstruction I will be getting. I'll be consulting with my breast surgeon and talking to plastic surgeons next. I have referrals already. I know that this decision is "for life" and I need to make the best decision for the long term but I can't help but wonder which procedure would have the quickest recovery. What an inconvenience this stinking breast cancer is since I bought seasons passes for myself and Doug to Mammoth mountain for the snowboard season this year :-(

This week I'll be returning to one of the support groups and looking forward to hearing how the girls are doing. Thanks to everyone for your continual emails, notes, calls and thanks very much to Greg for making me a lasagna last week! That was so kind.

A Wonderful Weekend

Howdy all,
Back one day from an awesome weekend up at Lake Tahoe. I had planned to do a road ride or two and spend the rest of the time relaxing, reading, maybe swimming ... but I ended up doing three mountain bike rides and one 40 mile road ride. I feel really great right now and figured I should take advantage of this. I am still weaker than normal. I feel it mostly on tough climbs that need strong muscles and stamina so I made the best of it and did relatively easy rides. I rode the Flume trail, the Emigrant trail, Sidewinder on my mountain bike and rode from Tahoe City up to Truckee and back on the road bike. This the wacky group I vacationed with. They are lots of fun.

I have chemo again this Thursday and have been relishing my good days since they will be coming to an end soon again. I'm hoping for a better time this go around though. For those of you who know me well enough to have my phone number, I would appreciate a call this weekend. I usually feel crummy from Saturday to Tuesday. Sunday is usually my worst day.

Another note... my hockey club, the L.A. Blades entered two levels of teams in a recent tournament in Denver that I couldn't make this year. The upper team won their division and won $1000 for the charity of their choice. I was flattered to find that they chose Breast Cancer as their cause.

One last piece of great news. Doug told his Command Sargeant Major and the Commander on the mission about me and they told him he could leave his deployment immediately if he wanted to support me. We have decided to have Doug come home early to support me in my last chemo treatment, so Doug will be back on November 10, rather than a few weeks later.

Thanks for the continuing support.

It's a new day

Hi all,
Feeling a million times better and apart from being weaker than usual, I almost feel normal! After my horrendous GI tract issues that came to an end on Thursday, I have been feeling a ton better. Remaining side effects include mouth soreness (minor not really that bad) and the occasional nosebleed (low platelets). I didn't really have that horrible taste in my mouth this time... just for the first 5 days or so.

Some good news... when I saw my oncologist this past Thursday, he told me that he could barely feel my tumor anymore. The chemo is kicking its butt! Woohoo! To be honest, a small part of me was scared that the chemo wouldn't work... I saw my mom go through one chemo regimen after the next without any results and well, this sort of stuck in my mind... But thank goodness that the chemo that is kicking my butt is working!

I got out for a 20 mile ride along the Pacific Coast Highway yesterday and I was pretty happy that although I had to do most hills in my granny gear, I didn't need to walk them. Today, I went to 24hr fitness for yoga. Here I was thinking... great, I'll get some stretching and relaxing in... but cripes, I ended up in the Power Yoga class. Well, I took it as easy as I could but that was some workout.

Sorry, I don't have a picture of me in my new wig yet, but I'll get around to it. I'll probably only wear the wig to work (occasionally, because it's not that comfortable) and maybe out on occasion. Mostly i wear hats and scarves. I remember the lady i got the wig from telling me that perhaps I would want to get a second wig so that I could exercise in one (meaning sweat in one) and keep the other cleaner. Who would exercise in a wig?! If I'm going to exercise, I am definitely NOT wearing a wig! I'll be lucky if I wear anything on my head.

Well, I expect the next week to be better than last. I am off to Lake Tahoe this Thursday until Monday for some serious R&R. Yippee!

Thanks again for the notes of support. Much appreciated.
Maureen

Feeling bad but making the best of it

Hi folks,

I have been having a really hard time after this past chemo... starting on Saturday. Things got so bad, I ended up in the ER on Sunday to get my plumbing fixed. Was not life-threatening but was enormously uncomfortable. Unfortunately, since I felt so horrible, i tried hard to drink but consumed very little food from Sunday to Tuesday. The good news is that even though my tummy is still not happy, i have managed to eat two whole meals today and drink lots too.

Well, from what you can see here, I haven't been letting my GI tract issues take away all my fun. My friend Randy came over on Monday night and gave me a buzz. I couldn't handle all of the hair shedding, it was psychologically upsetting and really messy in my apartment which is becoming a bit of a pigstye until I get motivated to clean again (no, I will not take offers to clean my place, I should be good in a day or so for that).

I managed to meet with a consultant today who gave me some tips on scarves, hats and gave me a free wig! Most of the wigs there were "old lady" wigs but there was one that caught my eye. Wait til you see me... I will be a redhead again... like back when I was young (17-23).

Looking forward to feeling better soon. I know I can get over this in a day or so.

Oh, one more thing... my employer SRC, LLC. has really gotten behind me in this entire ordeal. Many coworkers have joined my Race for the Cure team, donated in support or even started their own team in Colorado in support. I am very appreciative and it makes me want to cry how much people are showing that they care about me. It has been far more difficult this round without my hubby, close Canadian friends and family around. I am just realizing this now...

Thanks to everyone for your continued support. Love the comments, I do not grow tired of them :-)

Difficult Weekend

Not to bum anyone out, but I am seriously having a rough weekend. I woke up twice on Friday night with scalp pain and had two panic attacks that I would wake up in the morning and my remaining hair would be left on my pillow. Well, i am definitely continuing to shed hair every day but i still have most of it. Last night, I woke up every hour and had a real challenge sleeping. Most of the weekend, I have been feeling pretty crappy, low energy, leg pain, nausea, indigestion, constipation... i can't believe how many drugs I am taking for all this stuff. I am typically someone who tries to skip taking advil when I have a headache because I don't like taking stuff. I don't have much else to report other than I hope tomorrow is much better.

Chemo round 2 and support group

Hi all,
Lots of stuff to report on...

Had Chemo round 2 today. Chi took me to and from my appointments, thank you Chi! Good news from the oncologist, after a quick exam, he think my tumor has shrunk a little already. He brought out a little plastic ruler and measured best he could.

At the treatment center, everything went reasonably well except when I started to get the Taxotere, i started to get a reaction to it... scary one... i started having what felt like pressure on my lungs. I did not feel difficulty breathing but it freaked me out and I think I probably would have, if I hadn't spoken up. So the doc rushed over, checked me out and they gave me a steroid, then started me back on it. Everything was fine after this. Downside is I probably have to have this steroid every chemo now. What steroid? I dunno? I don't ask those questions (especially when you are all woozy and clued out) but I will on my return visit tomorrow. I always go the day after for my shot of Neulasta which boosts my white blood cell count. Speaking of white blood cells, mine were slightly low today. When I asked the nurse if it was something I was doing or if I could do something differently... he said "stop taking chemo" ;-)

Finally got to my first support group. There were four of us there and a facilitator. This was the Young Women with Cancer group but I fit right in. Our ages ranged from 42 to 27. Lots of interesting information sharing, different ways at looking at things, different ways of coping, and affirmation that it was OK to not pretend that we are doing great and if we feel crappy, it's OK. I look forward to meeting with these and other women again.

Last note, I am organizing a team to do the 2009 Susan Komen Race for the Cure on Sunday September 27 in Newport Beach. My friend Lois suggested a bunch of great team names and I went with Pinky Mo and the Livestrongs. Thanks Lois! So, if you want to become one of my Livestrong teamates:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=310226&lis=1&kntae310226=81F8D7A00BE6460799983B93C60422DF&supId=266363026&team=3492985

A note: I am planning on doing the 9:45 am walk/run (but I am walking).

Or want to support the team while we raise money to fight this evil cancer, click on this link :

http://www.ockomen.com/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=310226&lis=1&kntae310226=8BDC24638D95438FAA72A891BBC8A560&supId=0&team=3492985&cj=

To support me individually, click on this link (choice is yours):

http://www.ockomen.com/faf/search/searchParticipants.asp?ievent=310226&lis=1&kntae310226=8BDC24638D95438FAA72A891BBC8A560

Thanks for the support and for staying tuned. You all make me feel loved and cared for and it really keeps me going.

Weekend Update

I seemed to have no side effects from the Herceptin treatment last week. Have been feeling better and stronger since the first chemo so I joined my friends on the Cool Breeze ride in Ventura County and did the metric century... 60 miles. Most of my friends did the regular century (100 mi) and one did the double metric (129 mi). I made sure to do my riding at about 60-70% effort, which was hard to remember at times, but I listened to my legs. I was tired at the end but not tired like a century and I'm pleased to report that after a great sleep, I feel great today. I feel well rested and no pain or tiredness. I am going to try to exercise a few more times before Thursday, when the chemo cycle starts again.

Most things are going great. My hair is starting to thin... more strands are falling out than usual, but luckily, I have a thick head of hair so we'll see how long it takes before they all jump ship. The only other thing I have to report is that I have been feeling anxious at times.... I am normally an excellent sleeper who does not wake to booming thunderstorms with my window open... but I have a few times, been feeling anxious at night before sleeping. I focus on peaceful thoughts and just try to relax, but it is a wierd thing for me. Sometimes my heart just races for no reason...

Going to hit the Young Women's Cancer Support Group at Hoag on Tuesday night. Hopefully I am not too old for the group!

2nd chemo is this Thursday. A friend will be taking me there and picking me up.
Later!
Mo

3rd Herceptin

Things are going great so far. I feel like I have full energy right now but when I exercise, I'm not 100%. Hard to describe but if I push it, i feel weaker. I can live with that. Got my third Herceptin infusion today - makes it sound like brewed iced tea ;-)... and everything went great, my blood counts are all good. My appetite is back and I even have my taste buds back. Still have my hair.

Feeling Good!

Hi all,
Looks like I had no noticeable side effects from the Herceptin I received by IV last Thursday. I have been feeling better and better since about last Thursday. I feel almost...normal! Apart from being a little more tired, I really do feel quite good now. My stomach still doesn't feel great after meals but I'll get that part figured out. Yogurt seems to go down well. And I have been indulging in the really good creamy Brown Cow yoghurt. Yum! My stomach seems to get worse as the day goes on, where I never really feel good after dinner. I'll survive.

I still have my hair and I don't really have much else to report. How boring! I still need to find a support group ... they have some on Tuesday nights at Hoag Hospital that I will be checking out.

I plan on doing the 38 mile Cool Breeze ride next weekend but I'll decide the night before. Normally I would be riding the 100 mile or double metric century but not this year. I will be fine. I rode 30 miles yesterday (very slowly! on a bike path with NO elevation!) and I feel absolutely fine today. I need to stay active. I know my body and was listening to it, so no lectures please :-) I am resting today... and on that note... going to head to the beach.

Thanks again for all of the supportive comments and notes.

2nd Herceptin IV

I haven't blogged in a bit because I didn't really have much to report... other than feeling the weirdest pains (strange lower back throbs, hip pain, mild nausea), I have been doing OK. The worst part of this week was taking my car in for $1900 of repairs and starting to get my medical bills which have surpassed $1,000 already.

I guess for those new to cancer, I can report a few strange things going on. I have little appetite because my stomach mostly always feels icky. I still eat but stuff tastes funny. Cherries are sour and acidic to me, eggs taste horrible, I have no appetite for meat or fish.. there just isn't a lot of fun in eating right now. I am starting to develop sensitive spots in my mouth where they sting if I eat certain foods and when I brush. But that's really about it.

I saw the Oncologist today and got my Herceptin by IV. He commented that I still had my hair... I guess that means it will be falling out soon. I just got the hats that I ordered in today, so I should be ready..ish. When I went to the treatment center, the nurse was slightly horrified when I told her I went for a 30 mile bike ride last Saturday. She told me to give it a rest and not exercise for a month. A month! I'll gain like 5 lbs if I don't exercise for a month.

Yes Avi, I know, I should listen ;-) I'll try exercise in much shorter and less intense bits for now...

Weekend Update

So Lois asked for the Saturday update... but I have been holding off on this because I'm feeling so weird. I think it can be best put that I have been feeling like a pregnant woman (mild nausea, indigestion and constipation - sorry for the icky details)... and I have never been pregnant so I am guessing here... and with sore legs.
I got up yesterday and felt decent enough to do the 30 mile ride. Lois neglected to tell me that this was the hilliest route on Team Velocity's list... or she tried but I wasn't paying attention. I hung in with the group on the climbs and didn't even finish last ;-) But last night and today, my legs are achy. I'm feeling lethargic but honestly, I can't tell if that is my usually laziness setting in or what...
Everything changes for me hour to hour. Right now, other than tired legs, i have no nausea, which is awesome.
One other thing... if you know me... you know I am direct so forgive this piece of honesty here ... but I have also held off posting because I don't want to come across as a whiner... everyone is telling me to be strong...but if you really know me... I am strong! So, don't feel bad for telling me to be strong... but please don't remind me to be strong :-)
Thanks again to everyone for your notes and emails. They have been helpful and they make me feel good.

Day 2

Woke up feeling blah, then had a headache, slight nausea, major brain fog for a while, then got my Neulasta shot (to boost white cell count). I felt great after that... like normal for a few hours! ..then back to a bit nauseous. Well, i have drugs for that if it gets bad.

Hoping to do a road ride with Team Velocity (and Lois and Winston) tomorrow for a 30 miler out of Fullerton. We'll see how I feel.

Have a great weekend and thanks again for all the notes of support and encouragement! They are working :-)

1st Chemo Day

I started out my day by heading to see my Oncologist at 9am. I ended up playing musical chairs and giving my chair up for every new person coming into the waiting room for about 30 minutes before I was let into see the doctor. I was the youngest person there after all... and they had sick patients they had to fit in. One crowded room though!
The doc has mostly all good news to tell me:

• Bone Scan came back negative for cancer. It does not appear to be in my bones.
• Echocardiogram showed i had a healthy heart and even pumped 5% more blood than average
• CT Scan showed no cancer in the abdomen, chest and core. It did reveal a 2 or 3 mm spot on one of my lungs but he said it could be due to a scar from a previous infection. He made sure to state at the end of his sentence "Not Cancer".
• Then he informed me that I would head over to the Chemo treatment center off of Old Newport Blvd.
• He also informed me that I would need to come in every week for my Herceptin and take this by IV. The appointment would probably only take a hour... that was a bummer.

I got to the treatment center and got started. I had 6 hours ahead of me. You sit in a big Easy-Boy chair with about 32 other patients (they come and go throughout the day). The room is sectioned off into 4 groups of 8 chairs. The nurse first took my weight and height. Height? Cripes, I'm 41 and haven't started to shrink yet!?! Plus, she marked me down as 5'2". I'm 5'3"! When you are short, no one wants to be marked down as shorter ;-)

Anyway, next they took my blood and showed me the results and the values that they need to look at each time before I have chemo:

• White blood cell count - fights infection
• Granularity - older white blood cells
• Red Blood cell count - Indicates Anemia if it is low
• Hemoglobin
• Platelets - Helps Blood to clot

Then she started up my IV and got me started on the pre-meds:

• Aloxi - prevents nausea and vomiting
• Ativan - prevents nausea and anxiety - this one made me feel very woozy, could no longer read and knocked me right out. At least I got to sleep :-)
• Decadron - prevents nausea
• Zantac - to prevent allergic reaction
• Benadryl - to prevent allergic reaction. I think these two are primarily for the Taxotere which comes from the needle biomass of the Yew plant

then onto the chemo and antibody:

• Carboplatin - 1 hr
• Taxotere - 2 hrs (because of risk of allergy)
• Herceptin - 1 hr

As of the time I am writing this, i am having no real side effects. Am feeling a slight bit of indegestion or stomach issues but on a scale of 1-10, I'd say they fall around 2. No nausea yet.

Tomorrow I go in a for a quick shot of Neulasta to boost my white blood cells. Then we'll just see how it goes!

I am sorry to make this blog longer, but I wanted to add that I appreciate all of the comments, emails and notes of support and encouragement. I have wonderful friends, family, neighbours and co-workers, and you are all making this so much more bearable without my husband Doug here. THANK YOU!!

Last test before Chemo

Well, as it turns out, I had an echocardiogram and not an EKG yesterday. I don't even know what an EKG is... but the echo was an ultrasound of my heart. I kept my eyes open for this test ;-) as I was able to see my heart pump on the screen and even hear it beat, in a variety of different ways. It was definitely the coolest and least scary test so far.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my oncologist to get the results of my CT scan (see if the cancer has spread further than my breast and lymph node) and then my first chemo treatment. I was told I would be there all day long. I really have no idea what to expect but was very happy to hear that I will not be having a port put in for the chemo, just a plain old IV.

Had my last pre-chemo mountain bike ride tonight. I felt slightly nervous as I was trying not to scrape myself on bushes and stuff.

More Tests today

Well, today I had a bunch more tests... CT Scan and Bone Scan. Both tests required that I have stuff injected in me but luckily I did not get the hot flushed feeling that they said to expect during the CT Scan. I had to consume a lovely orange creamsicle flavored Barium shake for the CT scan as well. Could have been worse tasting... if you have ever had Buckleys cough syrup, you know what I mean. I think that's made with real pine oil!

Well, i can't really complain about these scans because nothing compares to the 25 minute long, eardrum-blasting, fire alarm sound of the MRI that I endured last Wednesday. Not sure I have flinched so many times in 25 minutes before... Oh yeah, and I had my eyes closed for every single one of these scans. I am such a wimp.

Tomorrow I have an EKG and then meet with the oncologist on Thursday.

Chronology so far

Here is the timeline of recent events:

• July 9, 2009 - Had my annual mammogram
  Got a call that there were some calcium deposits and tissue densities that they wanted to investigate further
• July 17, 2009 - Had a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. At the appointment, the doctor advised that I have a biopsy on a lump and lymph node on the following Monday.
• July 20, 2009 - Biopsy on lump and lymph node.
• July 22, 2009 10:30am - I was delivered the news.... I had what appeared to be Stage 2, Grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma with at least one lymph node involved. Later that day, I had an MRI of my chest and met with a breast surgeon (Dr. Lincoln Snyder). Based on MRI and ultrasound results, it appeared that the cancer was more than likely spread further than just the one lump. It looked like a mastectomy on my right breast was the proper way to go. He then scheduled me in to see an oncologist.
• July 23, 2009 - Met with oncologist (Dr VanderMolen) who informed me that based on a number of factors (lump size, lymph node involvement, estrogen receptor, progesterone receptor, proliferation and Her-2 neu gene), it predicted that i most likely had a moderate risk of microscopic spread of breast cancer. He recommended I start with chemo first, then do the surgery, since if I had an infection from the surgery, it would delay the chemo. He informed me that I would go on TCH (Taxotere, Carboplatin, Herceptin) for 6 cycles starting in about a week. I would go for chemo once every 3 weeks for 6 cycles, then I would need to continue with Herceptin for the rest of the year then take Tamoxifen for 5 years. Surgery would be scheduled later... about 4-6 months down the road. One last thing... the Dr told me that my kind of breast cancer was 95% curable.

I have appointments scheduled for next Monday, Wednesday and Thursday for PET CT Scan, Bone Scan and EKG. Then I have an appointment with Dr VanderMolen again and may possibly start my chemo. I have been reading a ton on the Internet and am trying to prepere myself for what is to come.

Introduction to my Journey

My life has been in a whirlwind lately. I was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer this past Wednesday July 22, 2009. I've created this blog to keep friends and family updated on my journey towards my cure. Please feel welcome to post questions as I want to keep people informed on how I am doing. Also, if you are a woman and reading this... please promise me you will take monthly self-breast exams seriously and have regular mammograms. Go now if you are overdue!

A little about me:
- Born in Toronto, Canada
- Married to a Southern Californian military man (currently deployed in Kosovo)
- Have one sister in Toronto (along with hubby and nephew) and my dad (along with tons of other great family), one sister in Detroit area (along with hubby and newborn niece Chloe)
- Work in Southern California (since 2003)
- Avid mountain biker, road rider, snowboarder and hockey player (I am known more for my enthusiasm and spirit than skill ;-)
- diagnosed at 41 years of age